The broken mirror.

In my early twenties I made three decisions that for the most part guided my life. These came about when I enjoyed unfettered freedom to think but also a rejection of what I now know as romantic thinking.

Create opportunities. Despite attempts and disappointment, standing out from the crowd had never been in my nature and this was a moment of acceptance. If there were things I wanted to achieve, I would need to create opportunities and lean into them my way. This made me open minded but a bit of dreamer.

Go with the flow. My first room mate was a positive influence, I copied some of his ways, stopped being so rigid and learnt to not be so hung up. This enabled me to me navigate an easy course but one that periodically with have me crashing, thrashing and clashing all at the same time. Particularly in situations if I felt I was being pushed around. 

Keep people at arms length. Although I am an uninteresting introvert by nature, I have always pushed myself to make personal connections and am genuinely curious about other people. Shaped by my teenage years I decided close friendships weren’t worth it. As a result many of my friendships have been loose & fleeting. I have rarely dwelled on the few closer ones that has dissolved so I can only assume I’m one of life’s loners.

I have been reflecting on how these decisions in the intervening years have guided me. This caused me to start to look in the mirror. As I began to look and explore the effects of these decisions, I realised this was not working - everything appeared disjointed like a broken mirror. The bigger pieces showed me where I had been but I could see other distorted images in the fragments.

This disjointed reflection showed me these three decisions resulted in complex intersections and has unfolded into an exploration of the mind. One where I have to deviate the familiar path that I have written into to the easy story I tell myself and explore the other paths, ravines, swamps and cliff faces that can be risky to traverse but where I can get different vista. 

Comments

  1. Clay Lowe31 October 2024 at 03:56

    Is the mirror broken, or is it somehow clearer, less distorted now that you've answered the call? This inner journey—your hero's journey—has begun, and maybe, just maybe, the mirror is no longer a mere reflection. Maybe it’s something deeper...

    You’re catching glimpses of your true self in places you might not have thought to look before.

    Maybe now instead of just looking in the mirror, the mirror is looking back at you. It’s no longer a passive reflection; it’s alive, aware, and it’s watching you as you step forward.

    Keep journaling. Let it be your compass and your lantern when the path gets dark (and it's likely to get very dark at times). If you get lost, your journal will help you find your way back to yourself.

    Good luck, my fellow seeker. May light guide your steps and your pen remind you where you’ve been. And remember Tolkien's words that not all who wander are lost.

    ReplyDelete

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